Out of an Eggshell

Staying in. Cooking one of the first home-cooked meals in our new house. Doing all the things I wish I had more time for: sitting and thinking in the new armchair, writing at the new art table, practicing a couple of new songs on the piano. It's been a nice day, and I'm glad to be holing up indoors.

And the proof!

#1: Pole-bending


#2: Cross-country jumping (ignore the western saddle)

#3: Barrel-racing

#4: Swimming (photo by Elizabeth Riley)

post & counting the characters so she can learn to use 140 brilliantly.

I've heard it all over the place - social media is the best way for today's artists to connect with their fans. Without social media, you may as well be a dinosaur - no-one will care about your music or your talents or who you are in the world. It's the only way to attract the attention of the masses - but only if you do it well. If you're not willing to embrace it, and not just embrace it, but use it in creative and income-generating ways that no other artist would ever have thought of, you may as well quit now. 

But I still struggle. Yes, I have the facebook page. I even have the facebook band page with the music player. I've got myspace. I've got the reverbnation and Sonicbids profiles. I keep this blog. I have links to all these places on my very own web page. I even have profiles on several internet radio sites and such. There's no shortage of places you can find me on the internet. But it's a little halfhearted, and I suspect my fans can tell. In the six months or so since I created my facebook band page, I've managed to get all of 19 likes. 

The trouble is, social networking does not come easily to me. So I overthink it.  I don't post status updates as often as I have the impulse to, because I don't want to be one of those people other people have thoughts like this about: "Oh my god, have you seen her facebook posts? Does she really think we're all interested in every little thing she does???" or "Enough about all the shows already - if she keeps posting nothing but advertisements about herself, I think I'll hide her." The result is that I update everything quite spottily - once every couple of weeks or months, depending on how busy the rest of my life gets. 

And sometimes I'll wait a day or two to post something I think is important because I've read somewhere that Wednesday at 11am ET is facebook's highest-traffic time. I wanted to write this journal entry at midnight on Saturday but I waited. Because midnight on Saturday seemed like a rather obscure time. And I don't want to be obscure. 

I still haven't joined the twitter bandwagon - I figure at this point, I'd only be catching the tail end of the wave, anyway. And when I write about stuff that is happening in my life, I like to have more than 140 characters with which to do it, thank you very much. The truth is, I don't get it. Twitter is like the punchline that went right over my head. Wait, what? 

Yet people have done really cool, creative things with Twitter (( really cool, creative things with Twitter ), and there is a large part of me that yearns to somehow be a "social media insider" - someone who regularly posts such interesting witticisms as to captivate large audiences and reach comments in the double digits. Someone who, with a mere 140 characters, can inspire hundreds to take action. Some small community-creating action. 

So I'm still struggling. And keeping all my profiles and pages sort of 75%-updated. And hoping for the day when I will have the brilliant idea that suddenly clarifies my social-media stance, perhaps even makes me an overnight social-media genius. 

Any feedback about this conundrum is greatly appreciated. Such as, how often is too often to post a status update? And how sparsely before it just looks like downright neglect? What are the posts that catch your attention, and which ones make you want to hide a person permanently? Which ones just make you groan? Do you think it's worth worrying about what time it is on what day before you hit the enter button? Do you read blogs? And which ones do you go back to more than once? What makes you feel connected to someone else posting something about their life on the internet? What motivates you to click a "Like" button? Do you feel qualified to teach a class called Social Media 101, and if so, when can I sign up?

 The first one in a long while. This is part of my journey to become less afraid of writing poetry. And maybe take a poetry class. 

I. 
This love that still feels
new in the same way the hot
water of each shower is like
a miracle, the caress that never loses
its effect
A million times and you still
lean into it and hope
it lasts just a little
longer

II.
Arizona is supposed to be
hot this time of year
but his 50% chance of rain next to
my 70 calms my envy
I am trying to be stoic
but solitude turns lonely with new speed now

III.
I keep thinking about
the things I've left behind
letters written but never sent
that old love I left
nursing wounds of his I didn't understand
(at the time - and now? maybe it's wrong 
for me to think I do now)
and the smell of rain in the desert
traded in for real mountains
and this harsh, damp spring bursting
green

IV. 
I used to be so afraid
of having and not having
what we had - one always
barely outweighing the other until
by the force of sheer numbers
having emerged victorious
it is comfortable now
there is certainty and tenderness in it
it is tailored to me

not having is the underworld monster
I try to keep out of my dreams

V.
A prayer.
Come back safely.
Whenever you leave,
come back safely.
My arms will always want you in them
one more time.

 I work with a youth employment program called VIEW which stands for "Voices In an Expressive World". There are no words for how much I love this job. Each year, I get to hire four or five creative, talented and capable teens and we make it our mission to represent and outreach an issue that impacts youth through some kind of art project. This is the third year I've led this program, and this year, we've completed our most ambitious, impressive and successful project yet. 

Before Christmas, three of my four teens did not play musical instruments. Now one plays banjo, one plays both keyboard and guitar, and one has learned how to use a drum machine. All three rap. And sing. And all four of my students collaboratively wrote a powerful song about what's wrong with education in America. Not only did they write and perform and record this song, called "If We Are the Future", they (and me) made a music video, which is now on youtube for the whole world to see. And we do want the whole world to see it. 

So please, help us get this video seen by everyone you know and everyone they know! Share this link on facebook, email it to all your friends, share it with anyone you know who is a student or teacher or administrator or trying to make a positive difference or involved in education in any way! This Wednesday is VIEW's last day this year, and we want to reach 1,000 views by then! We're already halfway there!

Watch the video here:

 

Thanks for watching! Pass it on if you believe our education system needs to change!

 I really need to get some of my recording-studio-documentation up on this journal. It's been such a wild and crazy and life-changing month, I feel like I'm letting people down by not writing long and rambling and gushing pages about every last minute of it. Soon, soon. 

For now, just the bullet points:

* All four songs going on the EP are recorded and almost completely mixed except for a couple of last tweaks. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Or maybe you do.
* They sound AMAZING. Really for the first time, I'm listening to my own voice and thinking, hey, that sounds really good. 
* Be prepared to hear drums, bass, cello, violin, musical saw, harmonica, and some amazingly sweet and ghostly harmony vocals. In addition to the piano and the guitar. Oh yeah, and my voice. 
* I think I found my calling. Seriously, you could lock me in a recording studio for an entire year, no breaks for sunshine or socializing or anything else (as long as I could still eat and sleep and drink chai) and I'd love every minute of it.
* The guys at Immersive Studios ROCK! You should really meet them. They are about as awesome as awesome gets. 
* I really could stand to sleep a little more lately. That wouldn't be a bad thing at all. I started to become a night person just in time for this five-week full-time residency as a teaching artist in an elementary/middle school that I get to wake up at 6:00 every morning for. Not that I don't love it...
* If I have promised you a letter, or a song, or anything else in the past few months - I am thinking about it. It has not been forgotten. All those things will start to happen in May, when I might get to remember what "free time" means. 

And a photo:


I don't know if I've mentioned this in this particular forum before, but my sister is TALENTED. She played violin on 3 of the 4 tracks on the EP, and she's the harmony vocalist on one of them. She got to visit for a weekend plus a couple days, and she spent a day in the studio recording with me while she was here. 

 *idea for weather related alliteration shamelessly stolen from nenya217 .

Here is a five-question meme. (What does meme mean, anyway? I've never researched it!)

The rules:
Leave a comment telling me your favorite way to unwind after a tough day.
I will respond; I will ask you five questions.
You update your journal (/blog/facebook) with my five questions, and your five answers
You'll include this explanation
You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

1. Favorite quirky indie comedy you've seen recently?
I'm not sure exactly how indie it was, but  It's Kind of a Funny Story, by far. City Island was also really good, though less of a comedy. But funny nonetheless.

2. What's on your bucket list? Or at least at the top of it?
Ummm....that's hard. Top three, how about? 1) doing some risky things, such as that month-long solo pack trip I keep talking about, and/or snowshoeing in to a remote cabin, breaking ice to get water, and lighting woodstove fires for heat. 2) getting accepted for a writer's/artist's retreat. 3) Traveling to Europe and/or South America and staying long enough to absorb everything. 

3. Favorite winter comfort meal?
Also, top 3: Enchiladas (warm and just the slightest bit spicy), buttercup squash stuffed with quinoa (either with walnuts and onions, or with peppers, veggie broth, sundried tomatoes, and lima beans), and hot soup/stew with homemade bread - something J is Oh, so good at.

4. First thing YOU'd do with a million dollars?
Why did you make the questions so hard? Umm....Ummm....
Make a full length album. Or two. Or maybe even three. And then tour internationally. And offer a grant to schools that were willing to try making the arts their core curriculum, and building everything else around it. And/or schools that encouraged students to choose their classes from a much earlier age. 

5. Most gratifying teaching moment you've had so far?
A lot of moments just yesterday. We did a performance at the elementary school I've been working at of all the songs the kids wrote in the last three weeks, and a lot of them stood facing the audience and sang their songs with me. Two students told me they thought songwriting was going to be really dumb, but it turned out to be one of the most fun things ever. Seeing these students write about the things and the people they cared about, so unafraid to get personal, and hearing them talk about how they've learned that songwriting can be a way to talk about their feelings without getting in a conflict with someone else, and even hearing one kid say that songwriter is now a possible job choice for him in the future - wow. And hearing these kids say to each other stuff like, "I really liked your song because it makes me feel like no matter how hard things get, they'll always get better," was incredible. But the moment that actually made me cry was when they brought out an envelope filled with money that all of the students had pooled together to help me record my EP. It's so amazing to have a classful of kids put their belief in you like that. Whoa. I don't know if that residency will ever be topped. 

 Today we woke up to a layer of slippery ice over everything. You couldn't see it, but I stuck my bare foot out the door and slid it around on the patio to get the full effect. And then it began to snow. Not good driving weather. So I rescheduled the last day of my songwriting residency with 3rd-5th graders and stayed home. This is the reverse of a to-do list - instead, it is a list of things already accomplished in the space of today. I feel proud of myself.

1. Knitted 1/4 of a scarf. It's the 3rd quarter. 
2. Mixed and sent a song to my dad. It's a late Christmas gift.
3. Made a cover for a handmade book.
4. Ate yummy leftover enchiladas. 
5. Wrote down lyrics for half of a song I'm writing, with musical shorthand. It's a cool song. It's the first time I've written a song with an arrangement from the very beginning. I'm writing it with a really strong drumbeat and a cello part playing in my head.
6. Wrote about a paragraph of decidedly unchronological material to hopefully be used in Creation Story. Got inspired to type up everything I'd written of it so far. Realized I have 7 segments totaling 5 pages when single spaced. It feels so much more epic than that, but I'd be happy with 7 pages. Or 10. We'll see what happens. 
7. Typed mixed-up poetry from this summer. Tacked it on to the end of the document I have that holds everything that could be found from 2002?-present. 
8. Daydreamed about publishing a book of mixed-up poetry, and a memoir, and about getting Creation Story published in a magazine or anthology when it's finished, and about publishing another cool book I can't remember now. And about a songwriting summer camp. 

It felt like a creative day. And I think it's time to reward myself with some chocolate. 

 Found this poem in an old journal today. First time I heard it one of my teachers in college read it to our class. These words are so strong and comforting to me. 

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here
and you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known. 
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven
No two branches are the same to Wren
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you, 
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

"Lost" by David Wagoner

 Funny sometimes how, years after the fact, you can write about something that happened to you as freshly as if it happened yesterday. Funny how those are the things you never could have found words for the next day. 

Finished a song today. It's almost embarrassing to think about singing it for anyone who knows me well - I can just imagine everyone thinking, "Wait - you're not over that yet?" 

I'm learning to accept that life doesn't have time limits on emotional processes. So no, I wasn't over it yet. But now that I'm singing about it, I can let it go. 

Whew. 

My songwriting has been really emotional lately. I wonder how that bodes for February....(FAWM!)